Humans are innately selfish—and there is no cure.
Recently, I read Celeste Ng’s novel Everything I Never Told You. Her novel follows the Lees, an Asian-American family in the 1970s, whose lives change drastically after sixteen year-old Lydia drowns in the lake. The family experiences a turmoil of emotions, raising the concern that parents Marilyn and James only hold their own interests at heart. In Everything I Never Told You, Celeste Ng emphasizes the selfishness of humans.
Everything I Never Told You resonates with me, because it explores the raw and fervent emotions of Marilyn and James. Celeste Ng holds nothing back as she tears into the lives of the Lees. I have never seen human pain and anguish so accurately depicted.
In my eyes, James, Lydia’s father, is the most selfish. While I understand that he is aching from losing Lydia, his actions show that he only thinks about his own pain. He fails to acknowledge that his family is also devastated by Lydia’s death. We all have moments like this, but James crosses the line. Instead of finding healthier ways to cope with his pain alongside his family, he finds temporary comfort in Louisa Chen, a younger woman he works with. With Louisa, James reaches a point where he can forget about the troubles in his life. He fails to recognize how his affair with Louisa will affect his wife, Marilyn. Through James’s affair with Louisa, Ng highlights that most people unconsciously help only themselves.
a video by Philosophy Tube exploring the selfishness of humans by citing philosopher Bernard de Mandeville (1670-1733)
Even James’s actions prior to Lydia’s death demonstrate his selfishness. James repeatedly recognizes the effect of his Chinese heritage on his daily life. Throughout his childhood, his peers excluded him because of his diverse background. As a result, James does everything in his power to model his family after the average American household. He discourages his son, Nath, as Nath tries to achieve his dreams. From a young age, James attempts to raise Nath as the stereotype of a boy. He teaches Nath to swim, and imagines that Nath will become a swimming champion. This future for Nath is actually James’s own childhood dream, which he is desperate to live through Nath. After children at the pool taunt Nath for being Chinese, James sees his son in a new light: as a timid boy with no friends. This incident is such a disappointment to James because Nath reminds him of himself at that age, and James realizes that Nath will not grow up to be a different—and in his opinion, a better—version of himself.
James’s obsession with his idea of normality blinds him from realizing that he is restricting Nath’s opportunities. He unknowingly lets his fear of being different negatively affect Nath, and he unintentionally chooses his own happiness above Nath’s happiness. James’s actions demonstrate that he is inherently selfish, and that as a result, people often hurt others without meaning to.
Unfortunately, there really is no cure to innate selfishness, but there are different levels of selfishness. Understanding that this selfishness actually exists and working toward fighting against it can reduce selfish motivation. With time, a lesser scale of selfishness is possible.
Additional articles on human selfishness:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/are-people-naturally-inclined-to-cooperate-or-be-selfish/
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