Sexism and Racism in Everything I Never Told You

Discrimination exists, but do you feel it. Celeste Ng presents racism and sexism using recipes in her book, Everything I Never Told You. She adds many situations when the character’s experience discrimination; the combination of each different situation allowed me to deepen my empathy with the characters, and those who experience these issues a lot.

Ng creates empathy by showing how Marilyn dealt with the sexism she faced. When she was questioned, “‘Why do you want to take physics?’ he asked, and she explained shyly that she was hoping to become a doctor. ‘Not a nurse?’ he’d said, with a chuckle” (Ng 25). Marilyn’s advisor addressed Marilyn in a condescending tone. He chuckled at the idea of her being a doctor, not a nurse. Because of societal standards at the time, Marilyn could not openly defend herself. Her shy response proves that she has been raised to never go against a man's word. The woman must be subservient to the man. Obeying a man’s word reappears later in the book when James denied Marilyn the opportunity to be a research assistant. James let his pride deny his wife the chance to be happy and regain purpose. A relationship is two-way street, and he just shut down the other half. Marilyn, however, would not be held down for long. Once her mother died, it all hit her at once. Marilyn thought, “Never, she promised herself. I will never end up like that” (Ng 86). These thoughts came to her while thinking about her mother's life. Her mother had a traditional, simple, yet lonely life. All the years of suppression and obedience boiled up that moment and that's when Marilyn snapped.  She needed to leave and go back to school. She couldn’t put her dreams on hold any longer. The fact she is willing to leave her loved ones behind shows how suppressed she was just because of being a girl. Sexism is often because of ignorance, like when James denied Marilyn the chance to be a research assistant. He only thought of himself and his pride. The thought of Marilyn’s happiness never once crossed his mind. By presenting the mindset of Marilyn, and her reaction to each one of the sexist situations, it allowed me, being male, to understand the struggles that women went through, and are still going through.

Not only does Everything I Never Told You talk about sexism, it also talks about racism. James, being Asian, has endured racism since the first day of school when he was asked, “What’s wrong with your eyes” (Ng 43)?  From this day on, James would be the victim of racism. People would be confused when they see him teaching American subjects. Marilyn herself on the first day of class when she saw him even thought, “An Oriental” (Ng 31). It took her by surprise because the standard was that Americans teach American subjects, and Asians are not American. When Marilyn and James were getting married, Marilyn’s mom objected, “‘It’s not right, Marilyn. It’s not right’” (Ng 54). That did not stop Marilyn however, they still got married. Love prevailed. James always internalized his feelings when being discriminated against. He never showed his shame. Even his children experienced similar discrimination like the day when a little girl shouted at Nath, “‘Chink can’t find China!’ and the other children laughed” (Ng 90). Nath was different from his father though, Nath immediately got upset and left the other kids. James, watching the entire situation, related to his son, and he understood exactly how ashamed he was just for being himself. The worst racist experience for James came from his own wife, the person who should love him more than anybody else in the world, used the word kowtow. His reaction perfectly illustrates how deeply comments like this affect people:

To James, though, the word rifles from his wife’s mouth and lodges deep in his chest.

From those two syllables -- kowtow-- explode bent backed coolies in cone hats, pigtailed Chinamen with sandwiched palms. Squinty and servile. Bowing and belittled. He has long suspected that everyone see him this way -- Stanley Hewitt, the policemen, the checkout girl at the grocery store. But he had not thought that everyone included Marilyn. (Ng 116)

The way Ng creates the analogy of Marilyn’s slur being as wounding as a gunshot or explosion shows how deeply that one word affected James. Her words are so powerful my heart hurts a little while reading that. The last line is the most powerful line. It is the twisting of the knife after being stabbed. He accepted that everyone else in his life viewed him in such a way, but not Marilyn. It hurt so badly because it came from her, the love of his life. Each experience with discrimination deepens the level of understanding and empathy I for people who have experience these issues on a daily basis. 

Everything I Never Told You made me look at myself and evaluate any unknown prejudices I had, either between genders or among races. Each example Ng puts in book is like another ingredient put in a recipe. One ingredient alone carries far less power than a finished recipe. However, some ingredients are more important; ultimately, the final product is what people remember. Ng creates a perfect final picture of sexism and racism, which allowed me to deepen his or her empathy towards those issues. That is why this is such a wonderful book.