Marshmallow Love

MARSHMALLOW LOVE

Marshmallows are the food equivalent of love. They are sweet, soft, and way better than actual people. Each marshmallow achieves more in its short life than many people do in their entire lives. This is because marshmallows are perfect. Every marshmallow is different, and yet still perfect. People should aspire to be marshmallows.

Marshmallows can cure anything. Okay, maybe it’s more accurate to say that marshmallows can cure almost anything. Unfortunately they are useless for most physical ailments, and if you suffer from diabetes then definitely do NOT attempt this medicinal method. But they can and occasionally do work wonders for other life problems. Basically, marshmallows can cure some things. But marshmallows still, despite all the things they do not cure (previously listed), are amazing. They bring a unique joy that can only be achieved by a lot of sugar in a very small space. And this unique joy can be successfully paired with anything else in the world (chocolate, microwave, ...chicken?). But know that there is also no shame in eating them plain. And in eating them, plain (or with chicken), you potentially can be cured from… something.

Marshmallows also come in multiple sizes. The mini ones are tiny drops of strangely spongy love. They are beautiful and amazing, and their small size is perfect if you wish to inadvertently eat way too many, with no regrets of course. There is also the regular sized marshmallow whose only purpose is to make s’mores with. The real deal though, the ones that are necessary to the existence of love, are the jumbo marshmallows. They are the reason the world goes round. Sure, their only benefit is being bigger than the others, but that’s all they need to be great. Imagine eating more sugar packed into more space, and then imagine eating less sugar packed into less space. More sugar wins. Every. Time.

With this new knowledge of love, go find marshmallows--hopefully in a previously sealed package--and eat them.